When the Lord Left Me

*Reposting my entry in my Friendster blog years ago, dated October 31, 2006.

When my Lord left me, I felt a big hole in my heart. It’s as if I couldn’t go on anymore. It hurt deep inside. I felt so alone. I couldn’t help but to weep, begging for His mercy and grace…and love.

I remember the story my brother told me about his daughter’s first day in school. His daughter (naturally my niece) was 3 years old then and she had never been alone. She was always with her mom or a guardian. When she knew that she would be going to school already, she was excited to see the new world out there. During the first day of the class, my brother and his girlfriend brought her to school. She was very happy, she started making new friends. Since she was busy playing with her classmates, her parents decided to step out of the classroom and stay outside. But when their daughter realized that her mom and dad weren’t nearby, she began to cry. Her parents saw her so they came over her and began comforting her, saying that they weren’t really gone, they were just outside the classroom, watching her from afar. They assured her that they wouldn’t leave her, because they love her.

For the next days, from afar, they watched her learn new things about life. They watched with care everytime they see her stumble. They watched her with great pride everytime they see her succeed. And most of all, they watch her with love at all times.

We may be years older than my niece, but for God, we are 3-year olds who are ready to go to schooling-- the school of real life. The world is the classroom and the subject matter is living life. God is our parent who teaches us the values we should have as a person which could help us overcome challenges in life. He puts us into the school to practice those values while dealing with the subject matter. He cannot stay beside our seat during all semester, but He promises us that He’ll just be outside the classroom to look after us, to watch us grow as a person who can face every challenge and test in life.

He’s just outside, peering in the windows, watching us with support, guidance, and love.

And in every perfect score we get in the tests, His eyes beams with pride.

And if ever we began to cry and go searching for Him, just look at the window—the Heavens— and we would find Him, looking back at us, with His beautiful and caring eyes, giving us strength and assurance that He is just there outside the classroom and He would never leave because He loves us.

When my Lord left me, yes, I felt hurt and alone. I couldn’t help but to weep, begging for his mercy and grace and love. But when I look at the Heavens, I saw Him peering through the clouds of hope, looking at me with His beautiful, caring eyes, saying, "I am just here. I will never leave you because I love you."

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” 
- Deuteronomy 31:8

On Kindness

There's nothing wrong for being kind.  In fact, it is the nature of mankind to have kindness in their hearts.  When disaster and crisis invade our society, it is kindness that restores hope and faith.  When darkness fills one's heart, it is kindness that helps love shine through his heart.

But not all kindness acts are right.  Sometimes, we feel that we should be generous, compassionate and considerate to other people but that feeling contradicts standards, rules, and accepted principles. There are times that as much as we would want to do favors from friends, we cannot grant them due to some policies we should follow or some morality issues involved.

Kindness is good. But there's also something called boundaries, appropriateness, and proper decorum.  These are essential so that people would not take kindness for granted.  These are essential so that there could be an orderly society.  These are essential so that relationships can create valuable and more meaningful trust--- trust that is not only a word of assurance, but also a value that goes along with compromise, understanding and conformity.

It is kind, but will it break the law?

It is kind, but will it degrade you as a person?

It is kind, but will it hurt someone you love?

It is kind, but is it your role to do such kindness?

It is kind, but will it do better for the person you're providing kindness?

It is kind, but is it appropriate?

There's nothing wrong in being kind.  In fact, it is actually our choice whether to provide it or not. Always remember that kindness should bring light to a dark place so that the other person may think that the world is still a good place to live in.  Any kindness that brings ourselves or the other person to the darker corner is not kindness at all.