When the Lord Left Me

*Reposting my entry in my Friendster blog years ago, dated October 31, 2006.

When my Lord left me, I felt a big hole in my heart. It’s as if I couldn’t go on anymore. It hurt deep inside. I felt so alone. I couldn’t help but to weep, begging for His mercy and grace…and love.

I remember the story my brother told me about his daughter’s first day in school. His daughter (naturally my niece) was 3 years old then and she had never been alone. She was always with her mom or a guardian. When she knew that she would be going to school already, she was excited to see the new world out there. During the first day of the class, my brother and his girlfriend brought her to school. She was very happy, she started making new friends. Since she was busy playing with her classmates, her parents decided to step out of the classroom and stay outside. But when their daughter realized that her mom and dad weren’t nearby, she began to cry. Her parents saw her so they came over her and began comforting her, saying that they weren’t really gone, they were just outside the classroom, watching her from afar. They assured her that they wouldn’t leave her, because they love her.

For the next days, from afar, they watched her learn new things about life. They watched with care everytime they see her stumble. They watched her with great pride everytime they see her succeed. And most of all, they watch her with love at all times.

We may be years older than my niece, but for God, we are 3-year olds who are ready to go to schooling-- the school of real life. The world is the classroom and the subject matter is living life. God is our parent who teaches us the values we should have as a person which could help us overcome challenges in life. He puts us into the school to practice those values while dealing with the subject matter. He cannot stay beside our seat during all semester, but He promises us that He’ll just be outside the classroom to look after us, to watch us grow as a person who can face every challenge and test in life.

He’s just outside, peering in the windows, watching us with support, guidance, and love.

And in every perfect score we get in the tests, His eyes beams with pride.

And if ever we began to cry and go searching for Him, just look at the window—the Heavens— and we would find Him, looking back at us, with His beautiful and caring eyes, giving us strength and assurance that He is just there outside the classroom and He would never leave because He loves us.

When my Lord left me, yes, I felt hurt and alone. I couldn’t help but to weep, begging for his mercy and grace and love. But when I look at the Heavens, I saw Him peering through the clouds of hope, looking at me with His beautiful, caring eyes, saying, "I am just here. I will never leave you because I love you."

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” 
- Deuteronomy 31:8

On Kindness

There's nothing wrong for being kind.  In fact, it is the nature of mankind to have kindness in their hearts.  When disaster and crisis invade our society, it is kindness that restores hope and faith.  When darkness fills one's heart, it is kindness that helps love shine through his heart.

But not all kindness acts are right.  Sometimes, we feel that we should be generous, compassionate and considerate to other people but that feeling contradicts standards, rules, and accepted principles. There are times that as much as we would want to do favors from friends, we cannot grant them due to some policies we should follow or some morality issues involved.

Kindness is good. But there's also something called boundaries, appropriateness, and proper decorum.  These are essential so that people would not take kindness for granted.  These are essential so that there could be an orderly society.  These are essential so that relationships can create valuable and more meaningful trust--- trust that is not only a word of assurance, but also a value that goes along with compromise, understanding and conformity.

It is kind, but will it break the law?

It is kind, but will it degrade you as a person?

It is kind, but will it hurt someone you love?

It is kind, but is it your role to do such kindness?

It is kind, but will it do better for the person you're providing kindness?

It is kind, but is it appropriate?

There's nothing wrong in being kind.  In fact, it is actually our choice whether to provide it or not. Always remember that kindness should bring light to a dark place so that the other person may think that the world is still a good place to live in.  Any kindness that brings ourselves or the other person to the darker corner is not kindness at all.

Express It All Out

I would like to talk to someone right now, but I ended up writing on my blog instead.  My conversation with my husband through online chat has just finished earlier.  I have to get ready for sleep and my husband has to get ready for work (my husband is in another country and we live in different timezones).  Though my eyelids are getting heavier, my thoughts and feelings are still awake, wanting to escape from my mind and heart.

One of the best thing to avoid hatred and anger to stay in our hearts is to simply vent them all out of our system.  Knowing that someone listens and empathizes to our frustrations and grievances gives us a sense of relief later.  And if relief would finally flow in us, we would feel that peace and hope are just around the corner, waiting for the right moment to enter our hearts.  When is the right moment?  It is when we are ready to bid farewell to all the dark feelings that are residing in our hearts.  It is when we are ready to love or to love again.

Express it all out.  It may not be just through conversing and talking.  We can also express it through other means like writing, painting and even singing.  However, in every manner we choose to use, let us make sure to always include praying. Praying is the most effective method of expressing out our feelings.  This is because if there's someone who would be very--very patient to listen to all our problems and complaints in life or about life, it would be God.

And it is God who sends his angels to provide us relief, comfort, strength and guidance in times of despair.

Express it all out to Him for He wants us to be free from the dark feelings that reside in us because He wants us to experience hope and peace.  He wants us to learn to love again.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." - Matthew 11:28-30

A Valentine Message

Dreams are often not reached because none would give somebody the emotional support he/she needs. Unfulfilled dreams results to loneliness, depression and low self esteem.

Let us show LOVE this month by simply saying to our loved ones that we believe in them and we are happy for all their hardwork, patience and strength in holding on to and realizing their dreams. By then, we would see the sparks of happiness once again in their eyes because actually, all they need is love....love through emotional support.

Let this month not just show offs of romantic flowers and fancy dinners, but be it a time to change someone's life by just simply letting him/her feel that they are loved by being there emotionally. Love him/her, believe in him/her, and help him/her achieve his/her dreams in life.

Happy hearts' month! ♥

Death of the Soul

Though my body was alive, my soul was almost in its deathbed.  I almost let it be, but since it is the nature of our spirit to struggle for happiness and self-fulfillment, I decided to cure my soul and take myself out of the "mud" (I got that term from my father.  He used to tell me that if I feel that I'm stuck and not growing, I should get out of that "mud"). It was a good thing I still had the strength in me to stop death to eat my soul.  However, there are some people who has given up and led soul-less lives. Some has stopped dreaming and conditioned themselves to be satisfied with the "mud".  Worse, some would literally end up their lives.

How does a soul die?  Shattered dreams, heartache, depression, addiction...there must be a long list of answers to that question.  But all of them root to one thing--- lack of love.  If the heart lacks love, we lose our strength to face our everyday battles in life.  Love gives us inspiration to move on from a heartbreak, to find simple joys in a gloomy day, to value ourselves more, and even to give our lives another chance to dream again. Without love, like a drained battery, our soul would weaken.  And a weak soul leads to lack of focus, faith and hope.  It would lead us to thinking that life is meaningless.  And a meaningless life is a life with dead soul.

The nature of our spirit to struggle for happiness and self-fulfillment is the nature of our spirit to preserve love. With love in our hearts, we face whatever challenges that were given to us because we know that in the end, whatever the result is, everything would be alright.

I do not want my soul to weaken, nor I want it to die.    With the help of the contained loved that resides in my heart, my soul could find strength to reach my dreams and happiness in life.  If I am happy, then I can make others happy too. How can I extend positivity and growth to others if I am stuck in the "mud"?

My body was alive, my soul was almost in its deathbed.  But slowly my soul was healing.  I know that everything's going to be alright.

Soulary

For my first post, I would like to explain my purpose in creating this blog. I also have another personal blog, Lifelary, which focuses more on stories of my life which I would like to be memorable. This blog, Soulary, however, will focus more on thoughts and feelings of my soul.

I was inspired to write about my soul searching need when I read this story from my Facebook newsfeed (posted by Gr8 ppl, Gr8 thoughts). It is about taking care of the soul because it also makes up our lives.

The King With Four Wives

Once upon a time there was a rich king who had four wives. He loved the fourth wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to the finest delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the third wife very much and showed her off to neighboring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day she would leave him for another.

He also loved his second wife. She was his confidante and she was always kind, considerate and patient with him. Whenever the king faced a problem, he could confide in her to help him get through the difficult times.

The king’s first wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However, he did not love the first wife but although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the King fell ill and he knew that his time was short. Thus, he asked the 4th wife, “I have loved you the most endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?”

“No way!” replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.

Her answer cut like a sharp knife right into his heart.

The sad king asked the third wife, “I have loved you all my life. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?”

“No!” replied the 3rd wife. “Life is too good! When you die, I am going to remarry!”

His heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, “I have always turned to you for help and you’ve always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help you out of this time!” replied the 2nd wife. “The very most, I can only send you to your grave.”

Her answer came like a bolt of thunder and the King was devastated.

Then a voice called out: “I’ll leave with you and follow you no matter where you go.”

The king looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, because she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved the King said, “I should have taken better care of you when I had a chance!”

Our 4th wife is our BODY. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look great, it’ll leave us when we die.

Our 3rd wife is our POSSESSIONS, STATUS and WEALTH. When we die, it will all go to others.

Our 2nd wife is our FAMILY and friends. No matter how much they have been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

Our 1st wife is our SOUL, often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the ego. However, our Soul is the only thing that will follow us wherever we go. So cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now! It is your greatest gift to offer the world.

A life without a healthy soul is a life without dreams and love. It is a hollow life...a zombie life.  May this blog be a way to relive and cultivate my soul which was once almost lost so that life can be meaningful again.