When the Lord Left Me

*Reposting my entry in my Friendster blog years ago, dated October 31, 2006.

When my Lord left me, I felt a big hole in my heart. It’s as if I couldn’t go on anymore. It hurt deep inside. I felt so alone. I couldn’t help but to weep, begging for His mercy and grace…and love.

I remember the story my brother told me about his daughter’s first day in school. His daughter (naturally my niece) was 3 years old then and she had never been alone. She was always with her mom or a guardian. When she knew that she would be going to school already, she was excited to see the new world out there. During the first day of the class, my brother and his girlfriend brought her to school. She was very happy, she started making new friends. Since she was busy playing with her classmates, her parents decided to step out of the classroom and stay outside. But when their daughter realized that her mom and dad weren’t nearby, she began to cry. Her parents saw her so they came over her and began comforting her, saying that they weren’t really gone, they were just outside the classroom, watching her from afar. They assured her that they wouldn’t leave her, because they love her.

For the next days, from afar, they watched her learn new things about life. They watched with care everytime they see her stumble. They watched her with great pride everytime they see her succeed. And most of all, they watch her with love at all times.

We may be years older than my niece, but for God, we are 3-year olds who are ready to go to schooling-- the school of real life. The world is the classroom and the subject matter is living life. God is our parent who teaches us the values we should have as a person which could help us overcome challenges in life. He puts us into the school to practice those values while dealing with the subject matter. He cannot stay beside our seat during all semester, but He promises us that He’ll just be outside the classroom to look after us, to watch us grow as a person who can face every challenge and test in life.

He’s just outside, peering in the windows, watching us with support, guidance, and love.

And in every perfect score we get in the tests, His eyes beams with pride.

And if ever we began to cry and go searching for Him, just look at the window—the Heavens— and we would find Him, looking back at us, with His beautiful and caring eyes, giving us strength and assurance that He is just there outside the classroom and He would never leave because He loves us.

When my Lord left me, yes, I felt hurt and alone. I couldn’t help but to weep, begging for his mercy and grace and love. But when I look at the Heavens, I saw Him peering through the clouds of hope, looking at me with His beautiful, caring eyes, saying, "I am just here. I will never leave you because I love you."

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” 
- Deuteronomy 31:8

Express It All Out

I would like to talk to someone right now, but I ended up writing on my blog instead.  My conversation with my husband through online chat has just finished earlier.  I have to get ready for sleep and my husband has to get ready for work (my husband is in another country and we live in different timezones).  Though my eyelids are getting heavier, my thoughts and feelings are still awake, wanting to escape from my mind and heart.

One of the best thing to avoid hatred and anger to stay in our hearts is to simply vent them all out of our system.  Knowing that someone listens and empathizes to our frustrations and grievances gives us a sense of relief later.  And if relief would finally flow in us, we would feel that peace and hope are just around the corner, waiting for the right moment to enter our hearts.  When is the right moment?  It is when we are ready to bid farewell to all the dark feelings that are residing in our hearts.  It is when we are ready to love or to love again.

Express it all out.  It may not be just through conversing and talking.  We can also express it through other means like writing, painting and even singing.  However, in every manner we choose to use, let us make sure to always include praying. Praying is the most effective method of expressing out our feelings.  This is because if there's someone who would be very--very patient to listen to all our problems and complaints in life or about life, it would be God.

And it is God who sends his angels to provide us relief, comfort, strength and guidance in times of despair.

Express it all out to Him for He wants us to be free from the dark feelings that reside in us because He wants us to experience hope and peace.  He wants us to learn to love again.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." - Matthew 11:28-30